I've been living in hope that the IVA finishes in March of next year, however it looks very much like they will make us go on for another 12 months, even though they have got PPI from both of us, just on all my PPI they will have received getting on for £25,000! I really do hope we get to March and they say we have paid enough to them, because I really can't stand living in this house with him any longer, the sooner I can get some money saved up for a deposit on a house for me and the kids then the sooner I can sell up this one and leave.
Little things add up and make me very stressed, such as my car needs a new fuel injector but the miserable git I married won't do it, yes I know he is a mechanic but apparently he couldn't do it the other week because it was raining and then because even though he told me he was taking time off to repair my car, he had in fact not brought any tools home to do it! So I have to pay a garage somewhere in the region of £450 to get it done, and the smell coming in to the car from the leaking fuel injector is horrendous and makes me feel really unwell. So I have to spend the Christmas money on getting the car fixed.
My daughter keeps making financial demands, currently she has spent £26 over and above the £120 I have saved up for her Christmas, so I either withhold a few weeks pocket money so that I only have to give my son £120 or I have to squeeze out another £26 for him to give him the same amount!
Now she wants me to buy her a cinema ticket for the latest Hunger Games movie, and no doubt will need taking and retrieving, which means using fuel, which is something I can't afford either, the extra journey is going to cost me a fair bit as well, because she is not going to our local cinema, oh no, her friends are going to the cinema in the next town, so it's a 20 mile round trip rather than 6 miles at most if she went locally.
The miserable git I married has decided that we ARE having turkey on Christmas day even though the only person who likes turkey is him, he has ordered a whole turkey from the farm shop, yes a whole one all for him! I asked if I can have a gammon joint for Christmas day as well, as it can be cooked the night before, and now he wants chinese takeway on Christmas Eve, yes we have endless amounts of cash for that, dont we? I need to get car fixed, get one of the dogs booster's done, give son his Christmas money, no presents for the daughter as she has used all her cash on McBusted tickets and a few other bits that she already has.
I despair, I am sure he thinks I have a secret slush fund of thousands that I have somehow kept from him, I have about £200 that I really need to go towards that car repair he won't do! Plonker.
I find myself back at the crying myself to sleep stage again, and there do seem to be people who just don't understand, someone at work was saying they had got all their presents for work colleagues including me and I said I'm sorry but you probably won't even be getting a card from me let alone a present, I can't even get the kids anything extra this year, not even a box of chocs!
I just want the IVA to be over so I can get the car repaired when I want, so I don't have to say no to extra trips out because I don't have the money to pay for the fuel for that extra trip, so I can buy a treat for me or kids of a few pounds if I want, so I can get the pets vaccinated when they need it, and not just when I can afford it. So I can live without thinking - do I NEED the heating on, can we get through this day with it off again?
He just goes out and spends the whole time, I think to myself things like we only need bread and milk, and everything else is in the freezer or cupboards, but then he comes home having spent £30 on food/alcohol that we don't actually need because I have done the big shop and stocked up on meat and frozen stuff and tinned/packets. I buy rice in big sacks and pasta in 5kg bags because it is cheaper, I know we seem to eat the same meals every week but choice is not something we can afford, so we ring the changes with spag bol, chilli, a chicken meal maybe a curry sauce with rice or a pasta sauce and pasta meal, a stew, bulked out with cheap root vegetables. If he wants fancy food then he's gonna have to wait until we can afford it, why can't he understand this, he has never taken control of the finances just spent to the wire every month and when we had an overdraft right up to the limit of it every month, I have repeatedly paid off his overdraft, and time and time again he would just run it back up as soon as it was paid off, I'd add it to my bank loan, same with his credit card debt, the bank would get me to pay off his credit card with MY loan, and then lo and behold not long later he would have £2000 back on the card again, WTF was he spending it on??? It wasn't me! It wasn't the house, it was DVD's, VHS tapes, books, CD's, he'd have nice clothes, good food, good wine, and meals out, he'd go to the cinema a lot, he would go to the museum frequently which is 120 mile round trip, which fuel wise is a lot if you go twice a month. He would just spend, spend, spend and he never ever and still doesn't think of the consequences!
When he insisted we got married in 1995, when I wanted to wait and save up, he didn't understand how tight a budget we had, nor did his mother, she insisted we had to invite all these people I had never met, and to have flowers and all sorts of stuff, and we couldn't afford it, when I said this is what we can afford right now, she then rang my parents and got them to go halves on the wedding, I didn't want my parents to pay for my wedding, they didn't have enough money as it was, and really couldn't afford to pay for my wedding. If I hadn't been so ill maybe I would have been able to stand up to him and his mother and get my own way, but I just retreated under the duvet and let it happen, and tried to ignore as much as I could.
I can't stand it much longer, I really need to leave and for it to be me, the kids and the pets and if we struggle financially after that then I only have myself to blame and no one else, but I will NOT be paying off any more of HIS debts once the IVA is paid. I will save up my share of the IVA money once it is ended to pay for me to leave, and if he then spends everything that is in the bank account every month then he only has himself to blame when we get to separation time and he has no money saved up, he needs to be responsible for his actions, as I can no longer be and no longer want to be.
Rant over, normal service will be resumed when I get a life without him :)
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