Well, we made it to Christmas day! Wooo.....
I can't believe how busy the hell hole has been, not just with the usual pre-christmas granny dumping but just hellishly busy! Why if young folk ie under 60 with no underlying medical conditions cant just keep their colds and tummy bugs to themselves at home I really don't know, so many of them come in cos they've been sick....or have a bad cold and headache, it's not FLU, its a cold! And if I have D&V then i would much rather be at home, keeping warm, drinking plenty of clear fluids if I can and as close to my own loo as I can be, not stuck in a busy A&E with loads of other nobbers who have small cuts and bruises and instead of applying a plaster decide to attend a hospital!
On the home front - I didn't buy the nobber anything and he didnt bother with me, however my lovely BF got me some gorgeous and expensive perfume for xmas, which I am liking a lot.
I have decided that the 5 yr plan should be ready to implement in 3 yrs 6 months, when WM reaches 16 and has completed GCSE's and BC will have completed her 'A' levels. So plan is to save up as much money as possible, so I have a reasonable amount for a deposit on a house, and then to tell the miserable one (M1) where to go and when, and then get this house on the market and sold, so can pay off the existing mortgage, and go our separate ways! Well that's the plan anyways....if I can just put up with him for 3 and half more years!
I went out for lunch with LC at weekend and another member of our coven, we had a lovely time, then I went to drop off mince pies with the BF and my Dad, then to collect BC from her mates house, where there was a mince pie and wine party happening, so I ended up staying 3 hrs having a lovely time, and got a text from M1 saying he was having tea, when we finally got home he had disappeared off to bed, so I had cold roast chicken butties.
I had got everything for today's xmas meal as ready as I could, I told him how to do the gravy that I had made up from a celebrity chef recipe but he couldn't even manage that, claims I didn't tell him to put butter in at the end, so he cooked the 4 bird roast, but nearly didnt put the marmalade glaze on, didn't cook the stuffing at all, didn't put out the cranberry sauce, made too much veg and spuds, but I suppose I did get to sleep for 6 hrs after my night shift, and not have to cook it all myself when I got up. Kids were pleased with their presents, BC got stuff on her wish list, the WM got his envelope of cash to go towards a new gaming computer.
I have been trying to do a bit more x-stitch recently but dont get time at work really, even on a break, which I didnt get last night cos it was so busy!
Anyway - off to bed soon, been watching the carry on film epic session on TV since I got up....just what I needed a bit of fun with out too much intelligence needed on my part!
Night folks x
Tuesday, 25 December 2012
Saturday, 15 December 2012
My doesn't time fly - so much has happened!
Well the France trip was the trip from hell, all due to the unit helper from hell, who thankfully handed her notice in, withdrew her child and pissed off!
The MiL died the day after her birthday in September, in the hospice, that was very stressful, as I was the one she told her funeral wishes to, and then her other son (IE the one I'm not married to) decided to phone and bollocks my husband for me daring to write down her wishes!
My daughter dislocated her patella a few weeks ago, so that's been fun too,splint and crutches for 4 weeks, now just crutches and physio.
The bright light at the end of the tunnel has been my brother's wedding, I've been sooooo looking forward to it for months, then the darling child decided she wasn't gonna go, she doesn't believe in weddings, and wasn't willing to dress up, so she wore black trousers, a plain t-shirt and a plain black hoody!
I've been reducing my dose of anti-depressants, Dr wanted me to come off them over summer, but with my mum dying and his mum, and the holiday from hell with the guides it meant that I was still on them, so I decided after the last funeral I was going to start withdrawal very slowly, having been taking half a tablet for a number of months, I started on a quarter of a tablet, like trying to take a crumb! Finally I gave up trying to catch the crumbs and stopped on the 5th December, the withdrawal symptoms aren't too bad, just dizziness, and loose stools are the main ones, with a bit of a headache, thankfully they seem to be wearing off fairly well so far!
Well the wedding - I was worried about it because I don't cope with social situations that require the consumption of food very well, but I managed the meal the night before in the hotel, and the morning of the wedding I made sure to eat some breakfast. The wedding was very emotional, the bride looked stunning, as did the bridesmaids, she had thought of so many little details that just made it truly wonderful and seeing all the loved up couples was very hard for me, I couldn't even get my husband to share the bed in the hotel, let alone hold hands in public or sit next to me! He has never been one for public displays of affection, but the readings they had were beautiful and made me realise that our marriage has been purely for "display purposes only" since I walked out on the 12th Feb 2003, (OK I know I walked back into the marriage after 12 hrs but still...) We "celebrated" our 17th wedding anniversary recently...........
Anyway going to the wedding has made me realise what a pushover I was when we got married, he decided we HAD to be married before Christmas, no idea why, but we bought house in August and had very little money left from savings to pay for a wedding. I was very ill at the time, with my panic attacks and anti-depressants so just pretty much agreed to everything. So he booked the registry office for December, when I really wanted to be married in the church where I was christened, and in the summer time.
His mum made the cake, because he said she would be offended if she wasn't able to, I really wanted my best friend (and expert cake maker) to do my wedding cake, so his mum whittered on at me until I agreed to a hexagonal cake (????) in 3 tiers, with a floral display on the top. We wanted a tram on the top, she wouldn't let us have that, she colour matched the ribbon and flowers to a single thread from the jacket I was to wear, which would have worked had it not been a tapestry jacket and therefore the thread was woven in with black thread and looked a lot darker, I ended up with scarlet ribbons and flowers not the deep red wine colour that was the colour of my dress, but as she wouldn't let me see anything until the night before the wedding it meant it was too late to change the flowers and ribbons. She also proudly showed us where her cat had eaten a large chunk of the bottom tier of the cake, but she had patched it up and you could barely tell.....errr WHAT???? I was disgusted, and so were my family, she just thought it really funny as the cat had never touched a cake before....why was it left uncovered for the sodding cat to eat??
I had to give her loads of blank invites so she could invite her friends to the evening do meaning that a lot of our friends were not able to go as we couldn't invite them (venue only held 70). She insisted we invite her relatives from London and Blackpool, despite me telling her that we couldn't afford to provide a meal for more than 12 in total. So she rang my parents (who were not exactly rolling in cash) and told them she would pay half if they would, I pointed out to her that if her distant relatives were coming then it meant I would have to invite those who also lived remote from us to the wedding as well, (my scottish lot) and there are a lot of them, I could easily have said no one to my side and they would understand but once you invite 1 then you have to invite the rest. We couldn't have the wedding breakfast in the restaurant we wanted, she said no one would eat Indian food, so we went for Chinese, she still whinged about that.
I wasn't going to have any flowers as they were an extra expense that I knew I couldn't afford and I knew my parents were struggling to pay for their half, but she insisted that I had to have flowers, meaning she wanted a button hole, this meant we then had to pay for button holes for everyone, I insisted that as I wasn't being married in a church and wasn't wearing a traditional white dress that a bouquet would just be stupid, and I had a small corsage on my handbag, I really could not afford a bouquet. She didn't understand at all.
I'm not saying that it upset me, but I am still holding a grudge 17yrs later, I tried to get him to have the marriage blessed in church but he wouldn't agree to it.
He refused to come with me to choose a wedding ring, so I ended up in the jewellers on my own with the sales assistant asking why he wouldn't come too, I couldn't answer that one, I just didn't know, he wouldn't have a ring of his own, even for wearing on special occasions or for nights out. To be married to a man who wont even commit to a ring......he never tells me he loves me, ever.....I can't even remember the last time he said he did. When I walked out and told him I was soooo unhappy, he said he didn't know why I was unhappy because he was ok......What??
So now I am biding my time, till youngest child hits 16, just over 3 yrs away. He wants to go to 6th form in a different area so I want to get the house on market and sold in time for us to move closer to my dad and to the 6th form. I hope by then I will have saved enough money for a decent deposit on a house and that the debts are all paid off and the only thing keeping us together is the mortgage. Then I want some time without a man in my house, and I may think about getting together with my boyfriend but I don't want to rush into anything. Essentially my husband isn't gonna see this coming as he is so dense that he notices nothing....
I feel better for writing all this down, see you all soon x
Wendy x
The MiL died the day after her birthday in September, in the hospice, that was very stressful, as I was the one she told her funeral wishes to, and then her other son (IE the one I'm not married to) decided to phone and bollocks my husband for me daring to write down her wishes!
My daughter dislocated her patella a few weeks ago, so that's been fun too,splint and crutches for 4 weeks, now just crutches and physio.
The bright light at the end of the tunnel has been my brother's wedding, I've been sooooo looking forward to it for months, then the darling child decided she wasn't gonna go, she doesn't believe in weddings, and wasn't willing to dress up, so she wore black trousers, a plain t-shirt and a plain black hoody!
I've been reducing my dose of anti-depressants, Dr wanted me to come off them over summer, but with my mum dying and his mum, and the holiday from hell with the guides it meant that I was still on them, so I decided after the last funeral I was going to start withdrawal very slowly, having been taking half a tablet for a number of months, I started on a quarter of a tablet, like trying to take a crumb! Finally I gave up trying to catch the crumbs and stopped on the 5th December, the withdrawal symptoms aren't too bad, just dizziness, and loose stools are the main ones, with a bit of a headache, thankfully they seem to be wearing off fairly well so far!
Well the wedding - I was worried about it because I don't cope with social situations that require the consumption of food very well, but I managed the meal the night before in the hotel, and the morning of the wedding I made sure to eat some breakfast. The wedding was very emotional, the bride looked stunning, as did the bridesmaids, she had thought of so many little details that just made it truly wonderful and seeing all the loved up couples was very hard for me, I couldn't even get my husband to share the bed in the hotel, let alone hold hands in public or sit next to me! He has never been one for public displays of affection, but the readings they had were beautiful and made me realise that our marriage has been purely for "display purposes only" since I walked out on the 12th Feb 2003, (OK I know I walked back into the marriage after 12 hrs but still...) We "celebrated" our 17th wedding anniversary recently...........
Anyway going to the wedding has made me realise what a pushover I was when we got married, he decided we HAD to be married before Christmas, no idea why, but we bought house in August and had very little money left from savings to pay for a wedding. I was very ill at the time, with my panic attacks and anti-depressants so just pretty much agreed to everything. So he booked the registry office for December, when I really wanted to be married in the church where I was christened, and in the summer time.
His mum made the cake, because he said she would be offended if she wasn't able to, I really wanted my best friend (and expert cake maker) to do my wedding cake, so his mum whittered on at me until I agreed to a hexagonal cake (????) in 3 tiers, with a floral display on the top. We wanted a tram on the top, she wouldn't let us have that, she colour matched the ribbon and flowers to a single thread from the jacket I was to wear, which would have worked had it not been a tapestry jacket and therefore the thread was woven in with black thread and looked a lot darker, I ended up with scarlet ribbons and flowers not the deep red wine colour that was the colour of my dress, but as she wouldn't let me see anything until the night before the wedding it meant it was too late to change the flowers and ribbons. She also proudly showed us where her cat had eaten a large chunk of the bottom tier of the cake, but she had patched it up and you could barely tell.....errr WHAT???? I was disgusted, and so were my family, she just thought it really funny as the cat had never touched a cake before....why was it left uncovered for the sodding cat to eat??
I had to give her loads of blank invites so she could invite her friends to the evening do meaning that a lot of our friends were not able to go as we couldn't invite them (venue only held 70). She insisted we invite her relatives from London and Blackpool, despite me telling her that we couldn't afford to provide a meal for more than 12 in total. So she rang my parents (who were not exactly rolling in cash) and told them she would pay half if they would, I pointed out to her that if her distant relatives were coming then it meant I would have to invite those who also lived remote from us to the wedding as well, (my scottish lot) and there are a lot of them, I could easily have said no one to my side and they would understand but once you invite 1 then you have to invite the rest. We couldn't have the wedding breakfast in the restaurant we wanted, she said no one would eat Indian food, so we went for Chinese, she still whinged about that.
I wasn't going to have any flowers as they were an extra expense that I knew I couldn't afford and I knew my parents were struggling to pay for their half, but she insisted that I had to have flowers, meaning she wanted a button hole, this meant we then had to pay for button holes for everyone, I insisted that as I wasn't being married in a church and wasn't wearing a traditional white dress that a bouquet would just be stupid, and I had a small corsage on my handbag, I really could not afford a bouquet. She didn't understand at all.
I'm not saying that it upset me, but I am still holding a grudge 17yrs later, I tried to get him to have the marriage blessed in church but he wouldn't agree to it.
He refused to come with me to choose a wedding ring, so I ended up in the jewellers on my own with the sales assistant asking why he wouldn't come too, I couldn't answer that one, I just didn't know, he wouldn't have a ring of his own, even for wearing on special occasions or for nights out. To be married to a man who wont even commit to a ring......he never tells me he loves me, ever.....I can't even remember the last time he said he did. When I walked out and told him I was soooo unhappy, he said he didn't know why I was unhappy because he was ok......What??
So now I am biding my time, till youngest child hits 16, just over 3 yrs away. He wants to go to 6th form in a different area so I want to get the house on market and sold in time for us to move closer to my dad and to the 6th form. I hope by then I will have saved enough money for a decent deposit on a house and that the debts are all paid off and the only thing keeping us together is the mortgage. Then I want some time without a man in my house, and I may think about getting together with my boyfriend but I don't want to rush into anything. Essentially my husband isn't gonna see this coming as he is so dense that he notices nothing....
I feel better for writing all this down, see you all soon x
Wendy x
Tuesday, 10 July 2012
Life's a bitch......
The miserable one's mum was told her cancer was terminal last week, the miserable one is being his usual non-communicative self, I know he's upset but I can't help him with this if he won't talk to me or anyone else for that matter.
The MiL was diagnosed in Feb with a recurrence of her eye cancer from 27 yrs ago that has metastasised into her liver, abdomen and lymph nodes of the abdomen, she also has a separate tumour on her buttock that is getting bigger every day. She is too weak for chemo and so is on palliative care, steriods to help her and pain relief, she has months to live but it has not been specified how many....
I have been finding comfort from the BF, his mum passed away last spring from cancer, he understands, when the BF's mum died I decided to stop wearing my wedding ring and any other jewellery that the miserable one had bought me or reminded me of him, he spends so much time upsetting me and the kids, just biding my time till the debts are paid and we can leave.
We are taking the guides to France in a few weeks, we have a really successful unit now, I took over when previous GiC's mum passed away suddenly in 2011. We had 8 girls, we now have 30! I don't know what we are doing but something must be right! The DD is now a young leader and she hates the ex-GiC and refuses to go to her ranger unit, she has started at a unit where we used to live, and is going with her bestest bud. She is rampaging through the Young Leader Qualification and is looking to take her senior section permit this autumn. Ex-GiC is shocked at how useful the DD has become, DD in turn is disparaging in no uncertain terms of the ex-GiC's ability to do nothing, and go early even when I have made sure that everyone knows what we have planned for a meeting and who has agreed to do what on the night. Frequently claims to not know what we are doing - yet she will have replied to the email saying this is what we agreed, is everyone ok with that? And then magically forgets what part she was supposed to be doing.
As for the France trip - she is bringing loads of crafts for the girls to do, even though we've got evening activities booked every night so they wont need to sit making fridge magnets, she asked me to take head and shoulder shots this week of all girls and then print out to 1.5" in height and take to France to put in the fridge magnets.....errrr no, dont think so, I've half the kids at their end of yr show this week and next week I'm running the parents meeting for France and organising a BBQ with presentations of certificates etc for all girls and 2 promise ceremonies, (3 of the dad's doing the BBQ for me but Mr Tesco supplying the food).
It was supposed to be the ex-GiC's retirement party, for 2 yrs she's said she'll finish this summer, now its here and she has decided she's gonna come back 1 week in 4 and work with the senior patrol (not told them yet!) so it's a presentation night BBQ instead.
I was speaking to one of the brownie guiders last weekend after parade and she said only reason we had 30 kids was because I was running the unit now not the ex-GiC, I dont think I am doing much different, but I have noticed that the ex-GiC shouts at the kids a lot, I try to do the hands up/shut up thing and before they have shut up she's shouting at them to be quiet when they were on the way to doing it and she wouldn't have needed to shout at all.
We had a camp a few weeks ago that was canoeing, kayaks and water sports, as well as archery and bouldering, the girls said it was the best camp ever, we joined up with another 2 units so had 48 girls in total and the DD was inspired by the SS members running the activities sessions, which is why she is now doing her SS permit!
So some things are really positive and others are really down at the minute......hey ho, that's how it goes I suppose.....
The MiL was diagnosed in Feb with a recurrence of her eye cancer from 27 yrs ago that has metastasised into her liver, abdomen and lymph nodes of the abdomen, she also has a separate tumour on her buttock that is getting bigger every day. She is too weak for chemo and so is on palliative care, steriods to help her and pain relief, she has months to live but it has not been specified how many....
I have been finding comfort from the BF, his mum passed away last spring from cancer, he understands, when the BF's mum died I decided to stop wearing my wedding ring and any other jewellery that the miserable one had bought me or reminded me of him, he spends so much time upsetting me and the kids, just biding my time till the debts are paid and we can leave.
We are taking the guides to France in a few weeks, we have a really successful unit now, I took over when previous GiC's mum passed away suddenly in 2011. We had 8 girls, we now have 30! I don't know what we are doing but something must be right! The DD is now a young leader and she hates the ex-GiC and refuses to go to her ranger unit, she has started at a unit where we used to live, and is going with her bestest bud. She is rampaging through the Young Leader Qualification and is looking to take her senior section permit this autumn. Ex-GiC is shocked at how useful the DD has become, DD in turn is disparaging in no uncertain terms of the ex-GiC's ability to do nothing, and go early even when I have made sure that everyone knows what we have planned for a meeting and who has agreed to do what on the night. Frequently claims to not know what we are doing - yet she will have replied to the email saying this is what we agreed, is everyone ok with that? And then magically forgets what part she was supposed to be doing.
As for the France trip - she is bringing loads of crafts for the girls to do, even though we've got evening activities booked every night so they wont need to sit making fridge magnets, she asked me to take head and shoulder shots this week of all girls and then print out to 1.5" in height and take to France to put in the fridge magnets.....errrr no, dont think so, I've half the kids at their end of yr show this week and next week I'm running the parents meeting for France and organising a BBQ with presentations of certificates etc for all girls and 2 promise ceremonies, (3 of the dad's doing the BBQ for me but Mr Tesco supplying the food).
It was supposed to be the ex-GiC's retirement party, for 2 yrs she's said she'll finish this summer, now its here and she has decided she's gonna come back 1 week in 4 and work with the senior patrol (not told them yet!) so it's a presentation night BBQ instead.
I was speaking to one of the brownie guiders last weekend after parade and she said only reason we had 30 kids was because I was running the unit now not the ex-GiC, I dont think I am doing much different, but I have noticed that the ex-GiC shouts at the kids a lot, I try to do the hands up/shut up thing and before they have shut up she's shouting at them to be quiet when they were on the way to doing it and she wouldn't have needed to shout at all.
We had a camp a few weeks ago that was canoeing, kayaks and water sports, as well as archery and bouldering, the girls said it was the best camp ever, we joined up with another 2 units so had 48 girls in total and the DD was inspired by the SS members running the activities sessions, which is why she is now doing her SS permit!
So some things are really positive and others are really down at the minute......hey ho, that's how it goes I suppose.....
Wednesday, 6 June 2012
X-mas Pudding vodka Cake
Well I am obviously sober now, I guess things haven't been going too well recently, tried to cry my drunken self to sleep last night but Bramble wouldn't let me, she kept licking my face until I stopped crying and cuddled her furry body.
Anyway today I have used the fruit left over from making my x-mas pudding vodka to make a cake, the cake is very alcoholic even though it has been through the oven!
I have an exam next week, so I am failing miserably at revising for it...
After the exam I am going to get my arse down to the gym and back on track with weight watchers program, I still have some flab to get rid of before my bro's wedding in December.
See you again
Wendy x
Anyway today I have used the fruit left over from making my x-mas pudding vodka to make a cake, the cake is very alcoholic even though it has been through the oven!
I have an exam next week, so I am failing miserably at revising for it...
After the exam I am going to get my arse down to the gym and back on track with weight watchers program, I still have some flab to get rid of before my bro's wedding in December.
See you again
Wendy x
Bugger!
My god MEN.....when can I get rid of him?
Some background....seeing as I have been away a while
Mum died suddenly and unexpectedly 6 weeks ago. A massive PE result of DVT due to having a POP cast on for a fractured foot (lis francs for those technically minded), she had a heart attack, was resuscitated 4 times at home and twice in resus at work (where I work) she went to ICU and we made a family decision the following morning to turn off the machines. Devastated is all I can say. That was the 24th April
On the following day (25th) Mr M decided to go to see my DS's godparents the following weekend, because due to my bereavement I was going to be off work that weekend so he could go spend time with them......I obviously confronted him with sarcasm (doesnt work on him) with an "of course you need to spend the weekend away, having some space to yourself as you need to think and be alone" leaving me to look after the devastated kids and myself, thankfully a friend came to spend the Sat night with me for a bit, and all I got off Mr M was one text all weekend, I made him at trad roast beef dinner on the Sunday, texted to ask when he would be home, no reply, so me and kids had tea, and eventually he bothered to come back.
The day of the funeral - well he was less use than a chocolate teapot, he wasnt gonna bring his parents over, (an hr on the bus and they are 80 and 76 yrs old, his mum has terminal cancer) so I made him bring them, he got out of taking them home again after though. Nobber.
I need to get out but the escape fund is only £250 so far, and until the debts (he ran up - over 100,000) are paid off (2yrs to go) I cant sell the house and I cant escape, god I cant wait to go, even if I have to live in a cardboard box cos I cant rent with all these pets....
My boyfriend has been supportive, but I dont think I want to walk out of one relationship into another, at the min a F*** buddy is probably the best I can expect, Mr M has been sleeping in the spare room for 5 yrs now, and hasnt given me more than one hug recently.
I am drunk.....I have had 2 glasses of wine, I dont normally drink, so this has made me drunk, I should blog more often I know, anyway I hopefully finish my degree next week when I take my final exam....cant wait.
Off to bed, night folks
Wendy
x x x x x x
Some background....seeing as I have been away a while
Mum died suddenly and unexpectedly 6 weeks ago. A massive PE result of DVT due to having a POP cast on for a fractured foot (lis francs for those technically minded), she had a heart attack, was resuscitated 4 times at home and twice in resus at work (where I work) she went to ICU and we made a family decision the following morning to turn off the machines. Devastated is all I can say. That was the 24th April
On the following day (25th) Mr M decided to go to see my DS's godparents the following weekend, because due to my bereavement I was going to be off work that weekend so he could go spend time with them......I obviously confronted him with sarcasm (doesnt work on him) with an "of course you need to spend the weekend away, having some space to yourself as you need to think and be alone" leaving me to look after the devastated kids and myself, thankfully a friend came to spend the Sat night with me for a bit, and all I got off Mr M was one text all weekend, I made him at trad roast beef dinner on the Sunday, texted to ask when he would be home, no reply, so me and kids had tea, and eventually he bothered to come back.
The day of the funeral - well he was less use than a chocolate teapot, he wasnt gonna bring his parents over, (an hr on the bus and they are 80 and 76 yrs old, his mum has terminal cancer) so I made him bring them, he got out of taking them home again after though. Nobber.
I need to get out but the escape fund is only £250 so far, and until the debts (he ran up - over 100,000) are paid off (2yrs to go) I cant sell the house and I cant escape, god I cant wait to go, even if I have to live in a cardboard box cos I cant rent with all these pets....
My boyfriend has been supportive, but I dont think I want to walk out of one relationship into another, at the min a F*** buddy is probably the best I can expect, Mr M has been sleeping in the spare room for 5 yrs now, and hasnt given me more than one hug recently.
I am drunk.....I have had 2 glasses of wine, I dont normally drink, so this has made me drunk, I should blog more often I know, anyway I hopefully finish my degree next week when I take my final exam....cant wait.
Off to bed, night folks
Wendy
x x x x x x
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